Hmm, rather strange...

I had a rather strange occurrence happen the other day...
It was around midnight, and I went outside, because I couldn't stand my house anymore...
I was just standing there at the end of my driveway, when all the sudden my imagination starting working overtime, and all the sudden I've worked up some very creepy mental image of what could happen unless I went inside...
I kept telling myself that I had to go inside, but my body wouldn't listen, and wouldn't move...
I was almost like petrified with fear or something...
So I did the next best thing, I sat down, and tried to make myself invisible...
I sat there for about ten minutes, and then was able to move again, in which I ran inside as fast as possible...
I do not go outside at night anymore...haha

Ugh..I went swimming again today with my cousin, and the creeper from the pool was there..of course...just my luck...
He almost drowned me...I was so fed up with it, I went out and into the hot tub...he came and sat with me there...ugh
So finally I just left the water completely and sat out...I think he finally got the hint...
The pool was like ice, and the hot tub was burning, and way to hot to sit in for longer then five minutes...

But I should have known he would be there, because today was just naturally a bad day...
First of all I woke up at eight..something I never do...and had to get ready and walk to ballet...because my mother was busy and couldn't drive me...then she wasn't able to pick me up, so I had to walk all the way home...
I was completely exhausted all day, and to top it all off, my parents got into a huge argument...
I'm a peacemaker, and cant stand arguments...yelling just makes me sick...
I was walking near these peoples house and I could hear them yelling at each other, and had to go sit down, from the feeling inside..it was weird...
ANYWAY...so they start arguing and tried to drag me into it, for me to pick sides, so I just got up and left...I went for a walk for about an two hours and a half, and when I got home, they were still arguing...so I just sat at the park until they were done...

Good news is, is that my mum has been letting me have alot more freedom now, but maybe its just because shes fed up with me, and could care less, or because she has bigger things to worry about...or shes just being nice...hmmmm

I am so tired of people at the moment...I tried to run it off but I cant...I just need to go and have a day where no one expects anything of me, and people aren't constantly yelling at me..or hating me...
But then again, I need someone to talk to...kind of strange I know...but as long as I could talk to someone whose presently not mad at me...I'll be fine...
Why do people hate me...I just don't get it...
Its always one extreme or the other..they either hate me, or love me...
I know like two people who are in the middle...
I am proud to say more people love me then those who hate me...but still....
Hate is a strong word, and I'm tired of people throwing it around as if it was childish banter...
It can hurt a person...and I'm tired of being hurt...
I'm tired of smiling and pretending...and being nice...
but tomorrow it will just all go back to that...loving people and then pretending to love people...
Its just who I am...I love everyone...and for some reason tonight I'm just of the verge of tearing someone apart...
I just want..i don't know what I want...
I want to hit pause and recover from everyone and everything and start over again...
But maybe I'm just having teenage hysterics...

(sigh) I'm to tired to go on...
I just want someone to understand..yet how can they when I don't tell them?
How do you tell someone all this? Its easy to write it down...